Mike's musings

Fellowship and the Body

Fellowship: it's what's missing in my Christian life at the moment. Maybe in life more generally. On the more general side, we've never had a great number of friends: more a few that we are very close to. Since Jo, we've been out less, and over the past few weeks, a couple of things have happened which means that we've seen even less of our best friends than usual: Si and D have bought a caravan, and are enjoying themelves away a lot over weekends, and the weekends when they've been around, we've been out doing other things. That's just one of those things, and we're getting to the stage where we know we should be getting out more, Jo's settling down better at night and, crucially, we can afford a babysitter from time to time. We've got some other friends we need to catch up with, too, so that's out of the way.

On the other piece, then. Since starting the ERMC course, I have a peer group, and I really look forward to the weekends when we get together. There was a blip a couple of weekends ago, but I had such a good time last month that I'm really looking forward to this coming weekend. John, my spiritual director, is very good for keeping my feet on the ground and helping me to iron out the wrinkles, tutorials with Alan show me how to apply theology to ministry, and supervisions with Keith are about integrating things.

But I don't feel fellowship, really. I make it to some services locally (though with lots of family visits at the moment, ERMC and my trip to Canada a job interview, probably not enough). I feel welcome and at home in our local church, but it's a small congregation, and it doesn't feel like home. In order to feel part of the Body of Christ - for me, now, at least, I want to feel closer to some of the members. Sally's helping. I need to call on a few more members of ERMC. Unluckily, noone lives near me from the course. I'd go to evensong at King's from time to time, but I don't want to miss Jo's bedtime, or make Moo have to do all the work on her own.

Not helping, also, that I'm snowed under by assignments, and I'm sure that the uncertainties of a new job provides more unsettlement (is that a real world?).

I shouldn't whinge ("Whinge" was nearly the title of this entry), but I am. I decided early on in this blog to attempt to be as honest as possible about how I feel at any particular time, so that's what I'm doing. Thanks for listening - or just ignoring, which is probably what I need.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 8:54 pm 3 comments

DNS done - exim4 still difficult...

Some interesting discussions with Sally yesterday. Little sleep, just one of those things.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:46 pm 0 comments

Godfather visitation

Rain, thunder, and power cuts. Didn't get the machines powered down in time, but no harm done, it seems. Need to get apcupsd (?) configured correctly.

Before the power went, I'd got an email from Simon, Jo's godfather in the UK (as opposed to the one in China), asking for some computing help, so he came round for supper (home-made beefburgers, backed beans and bread), and we had a good chat. He's got a new job next term, and is still over-working. Not sure how we can stop him doing that. Anyway, hi, Simon!

Started work on an exegesis of Matthew 3:1-12 this evening, then blog. Speaking of which, Sally's is particularly worth looking at today (which it always is, of course!). I stand in awe of her energy and what she manages to do! I hope to learn lots from her over the course, and wish I had something obvious to offer in return.

No sign of Tosha's little daughter yet. Stick with it, girl.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:46 pm 0 comments

Off to Jen and Jake's

A lovely time with everyone: Jo just loves spending time with Turtle, and is great with little Mouse, too. She always comes away with more vocabulary and more attitude: this time it included "lide" for "slide" and "lay" for "I want to play with ...".

Unluckily, all that playing didn't get her very sleepy, so she was up with us till around 11pm.

I blogged a while ago that I won a chocolate fountain, and we tried it last night. Two problems: there seems to be a problem with the bearings, so it makes a noise like you wouldn't believe; oh, and the chocolate tasted rank. I'm hoping that we got a bad batch of chocolate: we can always change that. Maybe the bearing's a bit more a problem...

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:38 pm 0 comments

Catching Sally up...

It was raining - hard - at Colchester zoo, and (unlike Moo), I didn't have a hat. Jo kept lowering her anorak hood, presumably in sympathy with me, so we both got very wet hair.

Fi, my godmother, phoned today, to chat and catch up. She looks at my blog from time to time, and it's nice to feel that she keeps in touch that way.

Don't think I've mentioned it before, but Jo's now saying "please" and "thankyou" (well, it sounds like "dup", but it's the best she manages most of the time) quite a lot. At the right times, and she knows that she's supposed to. Now, if we can only keep this up.

Oh, and I managed to get her to say "geek" today, which made me rather proud, in a sad kind of a way.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:59 pm 1 comments

How wrong I was

# posted by MikeCamel @ 6:51 pm 0 comments

Finished an assignment

About to start work on the second - an exegesis on Ecclesiastes - then another early night, hopefully.

D has been offered, and accepted, a job in Cambridge 2.5 days a week teaching AS & A level biology. Go, D! Oh, and we realised that we missed her birthday, which was a couple of weeks ago. Whoops.

Things finally seem to be settling down, thank God. I'm not having to travel to Switzerland next week, which really helps, but with Carolyn back, Moo's job really beginning to come together, and a few deadlines being extended at my work, things are on the up.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 8:34 pm 1 comments

Bedtime earliness

Jo had a temperature for a lot of the day, and we suspect that it might be because she's reacting to the MMR (not as badly as Digi, though, I'm pleased to say): this is quite common a week in. She's fine otherwise, but we weren't sure early afternoon-ish, so I went home early. No problems, in the end.

I've started one of my assignments, and I'm maybe a little over halfway through - it's a guide to how you might do exegesis using solely online tools. I'll probably post it when it's done.

Last, and least, I've decided that if I'm going to be working from home more, I need to sort out some bits and pieces on the home network. Current plans include:

• getting network shares sorted out properly
• a DNS server on the internal network
• monitoring and SNMP control of a wireless bridge which plays up from time to time (and currently needs a hard reset when it does)

# posted by MikeCamel @ 10:02 am 0 comments

Exegesis seminar

Did I mention that I've got Google Maps running on my phone? Doesn't make sense to use it with 3G (cost) (or even, perish the thought, GPRS (speed)), but with wifi, it's brilliant. And I do mean Google Maps, and not just maps.google.com.

Had a seminar (last one of the year!) in Stowmarket today, on exegesis of the New Testament. I wasn't entirely happy with it, for two reasons which I'll try to elucidate. Neither of them is really a reflection on the course - and certainly not on the teaching - but more on me, and where I'm coming from.

1. the first reason comes down to the fact that I've got a bunch of languages that most of the people on the course don't have, just due to my academic background. The first, and most obvious in this context, is Koine - New Testament Greek. My first instinct is always to go back to the text - and as close to the original text as I can. So I really want to use the Greek where possible. An example from the pericope that we were looking at yesterday is that a Greek word in it is translated in all of the English versions at which looked as "lift out". In fact, this misses a huge amount of meaning of the story (Matthew 12:9-14, if you're interested), because the word used is closer in meaning to "raise". More importantly, it's a word which is very common in Matthew's gospel - the word (or versions of it) is used 36 times in all. So, anyone reading the sotry in Greek would have realised that an allusion was being made to Jesus' resurrection, because it's the same word used for that. But we really couldn't go into this. In the course notes, we're also advised not to use older translations of the Bible, mainly because the language has changed quite a lot from, for example, that used in the Authorised ("King James") Bible. But I know that language very well, so I think it's actually probably quite a good place to come from. The same goes for the Latin (the Vulgate Bible): my Latin is good enough to follow it pretty well, and it might be able help to tease out some of the issues around the Greek on occasion, or just to provide a different view on how a passage is used from time to time. So, this isn't a complaint, just a commentary on the fact that there are areas of the formal process which I should probably be adapting for me.
2. the second reason is rather different. I was trained at university - particularly during my time reading English at King's - to take a very particular view of text, and to be very aware of how we read texts, and how they affect us. A lot of the approach that we tend to take when doing exegesis is very modern - or should I say, is firmly rooted within a modernist agenda - and I tend to espouse a more postmodernist approach. I'm unhappy lending too much weight to authorial intention or capability, and more aware than most, I guess, that we face real dangers if we try to impose our cultural expectations on the texts that we're reading - or if we do so un-selfconsiously, at least. This is all fine, but I need to try to work my way through it. Interesting.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 3:24 pm 1 comments

New phone

The main problem is a serious lack of ogg players for S60 v3. I'd naively assumed that S60 files were just compatible with each other, but no, no, no.

Still, pretty pleased: syncing with Lotus Notes, amazing, seriously amazing camera.

Told people at work today - and they were very nice about it. Difficult to stick with it, but pretty much managed it, which is good, as we're busy.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:31 pm 0 comments

Driving around

We had a lunch at which Jo ate her own body-weight - hold that - probably more like _my_ body-weight in chicken, roast potatoes, carrots, strawberry frozen yoghurt and rhubarb crumble. She just kept on and on eating, to the astonishment (and, at time applause) of the collected multitudes. I've literally never seen anything like it. She sat on my knee, using a grown-up fork (and fingers, when that failed, as it did from time to time) and just ate. Wow.

When we got back, and after Jo was on her way to bed (Moo put her down, as usual, so I was able to carry on with other tasks), I did an exegesis on Matthew 12:9-14 (the healing of the man with the withered hand). I rather enjoy exegesis, and it's good doing it on a New Testament text, because it means that I can go to the original Greek and use that as a tool. There's one word, in particular, that is inconspicuous in the three English translations we were given to look at - "lift out" and "pull out" are used, I think, in reference to whether one would leave a sheep in a pit - but which, in the Greek, is a key one for Matthew: it's the word "ἐγερεῖ", which is used when talking about Jesus being raised from the dead.

Started thinking about bits and pieces I need to sort for the new job, and I'm getting excited. Laptop, travel insurance, business cards, stuff like that, but I love it.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 10:00 pm 0 comments

Nana's 90th

Nana's quite frail, and keeps falling and hurting herself, but there's been nothing serious as yet, and she's certainly all there mentally. All of her grandchildren were there bar Peter - whose wife is expecting their first any time now - and all three great-grandchildren were, too.

Didn't say evensong this morning, but as I was awake from 0315 (thanks Jo) to 0530, I said morning prayer then instead.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:54 pm 0 comments

phone and job

Very busy at work.

Oh, and Certicom came up with an offer which I've accepted. And I handed in my notice. That was very hard, because Peter (my boss) really feels like a friend, and I know it'll make things difficult. I'm glad that a 2 month notice period will allow us to sort things out. Peter's going to tell people at work after the weekend.

Phoned Tosha, who's frankly bored of having a cold and being very pregnant.

Spoke to a variety of people about the new job, including Kate, Jim, Poll, Si. Tried phoning Mum and Dad, but they're apparently not yet at their hotel, so I emailed them on the boat (they're on a Swan Hellenic cruise, where Dad's lecturing). I'm feeling very happy about the decision, but, bizarrely, rather more excited about my new phone on Monday that the (rather intangible) new job stuff.

Tomorrow? 90th birthday party...

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:43 pm 1 comments

offers

Had a good tutorial with Alan this evening. Some work on exegesis on Jeremiah and Ecclesiastes. Alan's agreed to continue next year as my tutor, as well, which I'm very, very pleased about.

The offer never arrived. Gulp. But I spoke to Anna (HR from Certicom), who explained that she was just waiting for sign-off, so I wasn't too worried.

Lovely to see Jo this morning. I'd actually spent some time with her last night, but that wasn't the plan...

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:44 pm 0 comments

proper work

Heard, on the train, that Certicom were planning to offer me a job. And so I had a few calls with them, trying to sort out the details of the package. I'd already told Moo that it I was offered the job, I was minded to take it, as long as she was happy, and once I got home, we had a good chat about it all. The main issues are:

• will there be more travel? If so, will this be balanced by the fact that I'll be able to spend more time at home?
• will Certicom be supportive of my ordination training?
• is it risky from a career point of view?
• will there be enough interaction with other people to keep me interested and happy, unlike a previous job at Arcot, where I got, frankly, bored and lonely working at home. The main change is that working home has Jo and Moo around most of the time.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:44 pm 0 comments

back in the UK

Managed to get an earlier flight to Plymouth for a meeting in the evening (before a sales pitch tomorrow). Met John from work and some people from the project, and had a good evening - even if supper wasn't as good as we'd hoped. Got some sleep on the plane and in the hotel, so felt vaguely human. Good preparation for the meeting tomorrow.

On a side issue, over the time I've been away, I've been rather pleased with myself for keeping the daily office going. Some days, it's been morning prayer, others evening prayer, but I've managed - mainly thanks to the Gideon's Bible in hotel rooms.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:45 pm 0 comments

on holiday - hmm

At the end of the day, I headed off to Toronto airport, and flew back home. Well, to Heathrow, anyway. Life's significantly weird.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:46 pm 0 comments

Sunday, so find a church

Bizarrely, the sermon included some issues about changing jobs: God loves messing with coincidences, it appears. I had a good chat with Judith, the incumbent.

Then, to the first interview, with Darryl, at the Intercontinental. A good start. A couple of hours of nothing to do, so I went up the CN tower, and even managed to stand on the glass floor. Only just.

Then I drank some tea in a cafe, then found a church (St Andrew's, where there happened to be some people practicing for a service later on. There, singing, as Julia Churchill (I _think_ this is the right blog). She's a fantastic singer, and the band was good, too. I'm not usually into the sort of music they were doing, but I found it really inspiring, and wished that I'd been able to stay for the service.

After that, a meal with Micke, Harri, Johan and Gil. A good meal, and a great chat - I began to feel that I might fit into the company.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:47 pm 0 comments

Canada - really?

In the afternoon, we started watching the Cup Final (Liverpool vs West Ham). Managed to teach Jo to say "'Pool!", which is, bizarrely, traditional.

And then, around 1630, I left to fly to Toronto via Heathrow. I listened to the end of the match, and Liverpool won, in the end: yay! Phoned Kate - less sober than you might expect...

So, in a plane to Canada.

Why? Because, on Monday, I had a contact from a head-hunter for Certicom. After some discussions, on Thursday I agreed to fly out for a set of interviews, because although I'd not seriously been looking for a new job, the opportunities from both a salary and career point of view just made it impossible not to consider it. So, I flew out to Toronto, and arrived a little before midnight. Slept for about four hours on the plane, which is good, and then to the hotel.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 9:47 pm 0 comments

gadget envy

Second, the Orange website moved the Nokia N80 out of the "coming soon phones" section to the "now available" section. So, obviously, I immediately phoned the upgrade group. Only to find that they're only available for new customers for now, and that it's like to be next week before they're available for upgrades. Grrr.

Tosha asked about phone blogging. If your phone can send emails, you can set it up so that you send an email to a particular address, it recognises that it's come from you, and it adds it to your normal blog. Pretty neat, really. Didn't work the other day, though, so I had to copy it all in by hand. :-)

# posted by MikeCamel @ 7:37 pm 1 comments

Home nice and early

# posted by MikeCamel @ 7:22 pm 0 comments

Take that...

Indeed, not too bad, and friendly staff - but on the way, I passed many, many women. In their early 30s, mainly. All heading towards the arena.

Why? Take That concert. If only I'd known, I could have tried to get a ticket...

# posted by MikeCamel @ 7:19 pm 0 comments

North Circular

Recently there have been a couple of important things that I've felt unable to blog. One because it's personal and confidential to someone, and one because it would frankly be unwise. I do try to disclose what I can, but there are limits. Importantly, neither of these things are issues that I need to hide from my family or best friends, so I feel able to ask for support where relevant. From the beginning of the process of blogging, I've made the decision to keep what I can fairly anonymous: on most occasions, those mentioned will be able to identify themselves, and sometimes friends, but on the whole I think it's safest to leave it at that.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 11:38 pm 0 comments

Bit more time, a little less tired

Briefly on today: left home late, after showing Cheryl around. She seems to have had a good day with the Jo, and will be with us until Thursday - and quite possibly some or all of next week, too. As I was late into work, I had to stay a little late, too, so missed Jo's bedtime, but that's life, sometimes. I'm off to Wembley for an audit tomorrow, but won't leave until at least 2100, I suspect, so at least I'll be able to put her to bed, which is a treat. In fact, I've only done it once before on my own, as Moo's always been around before.

A little more on the weekend, then. What things spring to mind?

• a number of people have asked me to arrange a choir for some music within the English choral tradition. I'll probably download a couple of pieces from the excellent Handlo Music, and choose something from there. I'm particularly pleased that my friend Sheila, who's just taken over the job of choir master/mistress, is very keen on this. I've wanted to arrange something like this as part of worship since I started, but didn't want to be seen as too keen, or as stepping on anyone's toes, but there seems to be a groundswell of support, and I'm happy to ride the wave.
• I've been trying to moderate the amount that I speak up, both in our small group, and also in the wider context, but at least two friends came up to me to tell me not to worry: in fact, not to hold back, as it didn't seem true to me. I'm very cheered by this, but feel that I'm getting closer to a level which seems both more natural and also doesn't impinge too much. I hope and pray that I can get to this level and stay there, but I'm going to keep asking people to keep an eye on me.
• I had a great chat with one of the other members of the course after one of the services. She had been rather upset by it, as it had, for her, felt too much like we were relating to God solely as an "up-there" entity, and had ignored the "among-us" side. I was really pleased to talk, and, much more important, to listen. I felt that I was doing a pastoral job for a peer, and was very happy that she felt that she could talk to me, particularly as she's someone for whom I have an immense amount of respect, and someone who comes from a very different tradition to me (she's a Methodist). Despite that, I think we managed to nail - or tease out - some of the issues that she was upset about, and think about how that would inform our worship practice in the longer term.
• as I pointed out in an earlier entry, I was very impressed by the work of banksy. I'm not at all surprised to see Sally referencing his work: for me, it felt like the piece of training that's been the closest - by far - to the world I live in. I don't mean to belittle any of the other work, but Ian's discussion, presentation and, well, just outlook, really resonated with what I think of as "me". It gave me a lot to think about. Added to that was the discussion with Sally about her work in a New Age context. We didn't talk much, but it's something about which I know so little, and is really alient to me. I'd love to understand - and maybe even to experience - some of her ministry. I've spent enough time in Glastonbury (it's fairly near to my parents) to have a taste of the culture, but I'm very much outside it, and it would be fascinating to explore further how she - and others - interact (wrong word) with it from a Christian point of view.
• on the above - I'd say that I've got a better sense of the possibility of mission, and what it might mean to me, than I've ever had before.
• one thing that upset me a bit - and which is part reflected in Sally's blog - is the "otherising" of youth culture that took place over the weekend. There was a lot of discussion about "hoodied" people as other than us, unchurched, and, implicitly, almost worth less than us (though I'm sure nobody there would express that or own it, _I_ felt at times that I was participating by conspiracy of silence). I think we should have stood up more for the loyalty, love, commitment, energy and radicalisation that "youth culture" (*yeuch*) can provide. I don't feel that far from this culture, particularly the more cyber-aware side, and I think there are real dangers to such a structuralist dualism as the one we participated in.

Well, that's a bit better, isn't it? I'm sure there are more things I should talk about, and I'll try to make more of an effort to be theological, but I'm so busy, to tired...

# posted by MikeCamel @ 6:46 pm 0 comments

Tired

Back home, where Jo's got a bit of a temperature, and seems to be teething again. Heigh-ho. Cheryl came around to meet us, and will be nannying for us this week - quite possibly part of next week, too.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 7:09 pm 2 comments

Prison, hospital, banksy

# posted by MikeCamel @ 7:01 pm 0 comments

Off to ERMC

Our group D has a new member, Iain, who seems very nice, and once he'd begun to get his feet (he'd never met any of us before, nor had he had a chance to look at the preparatory work), the group work seemed to go well, and he had stuff to say. The theme of it was the extent to which the church can (and should) engage with popular (or "contemporary") culture, and the possible models of interaction.

Good to see the old crowd, and up late (as usual) having some drinks.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 6:57 pm 0 comments

At last - a nanny

ERMC tomorrow - it's been a while, and I hope it goes well. I'm looking forward to seeing a bunch of the people there, so that, at least, should be good, and we're working on pluralism, which is a topic of particular interest to me.

Si took me out in his new BMW cabriolet. Wow! Felt slightly sick afterwards.

Oh, and Jo fell down some stairs for the first time today: at Kate and Mac's. Apparently Moo was much more distraught than she was, but all is well now. All rather horrid.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 11:17 pm 0 comments

Mad busy

Jo did a cool thing today: Kate and she went out to the swings, and when they came back, Kate asked Jo, "what did we see when we went to the swings?" To which Jo answered, "ducks." It's the first time I've seen Jo respond to a question about her experience of the past, which is quite a big conceptual leap. Go, girl!

# posted by MikeCamel @ 4:57 pm 0 comments

All going horribly wrong

Luckily, Kate can come down again, so that's what's happening.

# posted by MikeCamel @ 8:18 pm 0 comments

Butterflies and drakes

Drakes, because the other thing I've done today (apart from tidy the house a bit, make some supper, watch a bit of TV and do an exegesis of Genesis 9:8-17, obviously) is to install and configure Dapper Drake (a Ubuntu distribution version) on a server which I've commissioned. It all seems to be pretty much working, with one very minor tweak that I need to do. Very happy, and much less stress than expected!

# posted by MikeCamel @ 11:38 pm 0 comments