Mike's musings

My first Midnight Mass

(backposting) Lunchtime with Si, D, Morgs, Boo and Simon, Jo's godfather. Good to see everyone: we need to find a time to get together for some child-free time to chat, eat and drink with Si and D. Simon spent some great quality time with Jo: I suspect he's a very good teacher.

Well, the afternoon brought us the Halstead crib service, which I was attending with the girls. The church was pretty full, and the girls were sheep, which was very sweet. Got them to bed afterwards - as before, took rather a while to get them to sleep. Mum, Dad and Moo went to bed, and I headed off to the Midnight service at St Andrew's, Halstead, where I was to preside at the altar.

We had about 138 people, including choir and clergy, and it was one of the most joyous experiences of my life. Sharing the great gift, as He was shared for the first time with us, was just so special. I just can't begin to explain the emotion, I really can't.

Labels: Christmas, communion, eucharist, god, joy

Ironing, gardening, barbecuing

Spent 3 hours or more this morning doing the ironing, which really needed doing. Then gardening, this afternoon, which was fun. The girls are absolutely on their last legs through tiredness at the moment, so it was amazing that they managed to stay awake past 2030 this evening when we went to Si and D's for a barbecue supper. Their friends Naomi and Chris (and Keira, a friend) were over as well, with their kids, and they all played very well: it's a sign that they're all growing up, which is great, but sad at the same time.

On a different note, I've noticed that many of the previous week or so's posts have been rather brief. I'm sorry about this, but it's really been down to the fact that I'm both tired and also trying to work out what's going on with work and redundancy. My current company has told me that they're planning to go through redundancy proceedings, and this is clearly not good news. I'm trying to work out what this means for me, and working on what my future options might be.

It also doesn't mean that I'm not thinking about the issues around ontology and ordination, but my focus has been elsewhere. I'll get back to it, but focusing on my work prospects is even more important now that there are 2 children to look after as well.

God will provide. I really believe that, even in the darkest hours.

Labels: friends, garden, god, job

The United States of America

Citizens of this country vote, as I'm sure you all know, for a new president of their country today. The United States of America is a great country, a noble country, an inspirational country. It is a powerful country, a dangerous country, and a broken country.

It is, like all countries, a reflection on the humanity of its citizens. It is not a perfect country. It is not a blessed country. It is not God's chosen country. This is true because God has chosen all of us. We are God's chosen people, a holy nation, a royal priesthood.

Every citizen of every country has a duty to their country, and, I would argue, to God - as expressed through their relationship with every fellow human whose life they touch. Which is every person on God's Earth.

We are all redeemed. And we have a responsibilities that accrue from that. One of those responsibilities is to vote: thoughtfully, prayerfully and hopefully.

I don't care who you vote for. But please vote.

Amen.

Labels: god, responsibility

Three issues to cover

You (that's the thousands of readers I have, of course) don't often get 3 issues in one posting. Well, actually you often do, but I don't usually bother to separate them out. Today you do, and I am. Lucky you.

Jo

It's really hard having a child who's ill. In fact, Jo had finished throwing up by the time I got back home from church, but she had thrown up 4 times between my leaving at 0720 and my return around 1210. Moo had to deal with it. This is one of the nightmares about having multiple commitments - particularly ones I care about - is having to leave Catherine to deal with problems which a) it's not fair that she has to deal with on her own; and b) that I want to be involved with myself.

Anyway, Jo was much better by this afternoon, and managed to keep a simple supper down. Hopefully she'll sleep well. Hopefully she (and Miri) will sleep through past 0800. Yeah, right. Past 0600 would be a miracle.

Stewardship

I preached on stewardship today. It was a very hard sermon to prepare, and pretty hard to preach, but I was quite pleased. I gave a shorter version to the 0800, and the full version to 1000. I based it (to the surprise of James, the other curate!) on justification by faith alone. It's not an obvious starting point, I grant you, but for me, it made sense. The people who built - or caused to be built - our church in Halstead paid the church in tithes, and gave money in gifts, partly because the doctrine of the medi&aedigraph;val Catholic church was that doing good works helps in getting to heaven: alongside faith, of course. I won't go into current Roman Catholic teaching, but I'm firmly of the opposite view: that we are justified by faith alone.

I noted that as citizens of England, we have rights to use the church - the parish church in Halstead - for marriages, baptisms, funerals, and other services- as do all the other people who live in the parish. And I pointed out that we have a set of responsibilities that go along with those rights: to maintain that set of rights of ourselves, for those who don't usually exercise them, for those who came before us, and for those who will come after.

But more than that, we have a covenant with God - a new covenant, a new testament - and there are responsibilities entailed with that. And that's where we start with thinking about or financial responsibilities to God's church. And its people. And its God.

Not just at the front

During intercessions today, I left my seat at the front of the church and went to be beside someone who was crying. The details aren't important: I supported this person and put my arm around them. I thought about it - for probably under a second - before I did it. But it was abundantly clear to me that if I can sit at the front of the church, up three steps, and leave someone to cry, then I'm not worthy to be a priest. Or even a deacon.

We serve. Or we dishonour the Father, and let down the Spirit, and sadden the Son.

Labels: death, diaconate, god, illness, Jo, sermon

I'm tired

But coming to terms with it. I'll get there, and I've got a lovely wife (really: a lovely, lovely wife) and two fantastic children. I enjoy my job, I'm privileged and humbled by my ministry, and I'm healthy.

I think I've got enough to thank God for, and little to complain about. That's fine.

Labels: family, god, sleep

Emotional

Two reasons:

1. we had a confirmation this afternoon, in Halstead church. We had 21 candidates (of whom 4 were baptised in the same service), and 2 people received into the Church of England from another church. I was emotional because it has a lot in common with my ordination service, and that's not that long ago. It brought lots back, and, however, odd it feels, I keep knowing that I'm doing the right thing.

2. I missed the girls' bedtime again. Second night in a row, and although Moo was fantastic about it, she shouldn't have to be. It's not so much missing putting the girls to bed, as much as the fact that Moo ends up doing it on her own, and it can be really hard. This made me feel sad.

I'm doing too much at the moment, and I'm not sure how to calm it down. But I need to.

Labels: girls, god, Moo

Packing and God

Yup, because it's time to go home!

On another note completely, I had some very kind responses to my post Where's God? the other day. The more I think about it, the less I'm concerned. I think that part of my faith is a waiting, and as long as I'm quietly faithful - and, believe me, saying the daily offices regularly _really_ helps me on this one - I don't worry. God's there, and I can feel His presence in the undercurrent, if you will, and it'll only be a matter of time before I can wade in again and let myself flow with Him.

Labels: god, home

Where's God?

D'oh: all around, clearly. But I've been away from home - and church - for coming up for two weeks, and although I've been saying the daily offices - always a helpmeet, and rarely a burden - I'm missing the opportunities for more frequent "visible" interaction. Services; church events; prayers with Jo as she goes to bed; prayers at night after I turn the light off next to Moo. I'll cope, of course, but it's an interesting lack.

I'd hoped to get to church last Sunday, but it wasn't to be. Maybe God's given me a chance to reach out on my own, and discover a different type of spirituality. I've travelled lots before, of course, but this is the longest since we've had the girls, and I'm lonely and hurting. God's here, but there's a difference, and I'm wondering how it will feel when I get the chance to do the more obvious: the more visible.

It's another reflection on what it means to be non-stipendiary, from my point of view.

On a closing point: I've been watching the US presidential candidates' debate. Why so personal? Why not more love and charity? We should be so lucky.

Labels: god, travel

Hellfire and damnation

(backposting) Today I preached on hellfire and damnation. It went down really well, and I got lots of approving comments afterwards (including "that was a damn good sermon" and "brilliant"). I finished it off on the positive note for John 3:16-17, pointing out that although Christ said that deserved/were subject to/were liable to hell (Matthew 5:20-22), that's luckily not what God sent him to us for. I really enjoy preaching, and I think it was a good sermon. I'm beginning to worry about the sin of pride, and I spent some time this evening retching over the bathroom loo, but decided that this may have had more to do with the unlimited kebabs and cakes available at the toddler's birthday party we had in the afternoon than God's judgment on me.

Or maybe not.

Labels: children, god, party, preaching

God on Trial

(backposting) At 2100 today, BBC2 showed God on Trial. It was astonishing. The acting, script and cinematography were astounding, and it was extremely moving. I'm still trying to process it, but it's the sort of programme that I'd like to show the girls when they're old enough. That'll be a while. I wept.

I came across a stubble fire today, called the fire brigade and told someone who might know the farmer. It's a while since I saw a stubble fire. They spread quickly, they really do.

We had a "ministers fraternal" meeting today, where the clergy from Halstead - Baptist, CofE, Methodist, Roman Catholic and URC (notice how I sorted them alphabetically?) get together. The Baptist guy didn't make it, which was a pity, but it was good to meet the other clergy. We do a number of services together, and there's a "Churches together in Halstead" group (also including lay people) which meets to arrange other events, etc.. I also called someone from the town of Haubourdin, near Lille, which is near Halstead's twin town, and got them to agree that we might try to have some coordinated prayer events with them during the Week for Christian Unity next January. Did that in French. I was quite chuffed with myself.

Labels: church, ecumenism, god, television

Spiritual direction

I went to see my spiritual director today, and it was really good to have the time and opportunity to spend time talking through and thinking about what's been going on since the ordination. So, so many things. Much to reflect on.

Oh, and God's grace moved today. I can't really talk about it, but He answered a major prayer, so wow.

Labels: god

Miri and the phone

(backposting) Miri loves phones. She'll pick them up, talk to them, hand them to you, take them back, talk some more, all of that. But when there's actually someone there, she seems entirely freaked by the whole business, and will just look at it in a slightly bemused fashion.

Today, she talked back. She seemed to realise it was me, and even responded to "kiss, kiss" (and a kissing noise from my end) by kissing the phone. In fact, she pretty much slobbered all over it, and Moo had to clean it afterwards, but it was really sweet. I remember when Jo suddenly seemed to get it, and it makes phoning home so much more rewarding.

A really busy day in Mississauga (my company's HQ) today, which is excellent, but tiring. I popped to a Mall in the evening, bought some books and some clothes (so cheap over here), some of which are presents for Moo and the girls. On the way back, witnessed an amazing thunderstorm in the distance, with ragged lightning across the sky: God works in truly fantastic ways.

Labels: god, miri, travel, weather

More theology

On the way back from Greenstead Green church with Jo and Miri, decided to address the question of Jesus' flying (see Friday's entry). Went into omnipresence (Jesus doesn't really fly, but he's everywhere): could have gone worse. Then addressed Jesus' dying, and coming back. ("Why?" "Because He loves us: Jesus is God, and he loves everyone.") Went back into omnipresence. "He's everywhere, but you can't see Him." Pause. "I can see God: he's over there." (Jo points at a field).

I have some more work to do.

Labels: god, Jo, theology

God, evolution (part II)

As Jo eats an orange for breakfast:

Jo: what's that?

Moo: it's a pip. It's a kind of seed.

Jo: why?

Me: it's how you grow things. If you want to grow a new thing, you need seeds.

Jo: why?

Me: you put it in the ground and give it water and keep it warm, and if you're lucky, it will make a new tree, or flower, or vegetable.

Jo: why?

Me: because that's how evolution and God made things

Me (aside to Moo): well, it worked last time

Jo: why?

Moo smirks

Me (struggling): because there's a bit of the divine in each of us, and we're all products of evolution, aren't we?

Jo: Amen.

Moo looks flabbergasted

Mike (looking smug): it's taking...

Labels: god, Jo, Moo, theology

God, evolution

(Reading "Each Peach, Pear, Plum" with Jo)

what are the rabbits doing?

finishing off the plum pie. that's funny, isn't it?

why?

because rabbits don't usually eat plum pie

why?

they usually eat grass

why?

because they like grass

why?

because evolution and God made them that way

*silence*

Labels: god, Jo

I suspect...

... that God loves me. I'm not sure why: I certainly don't deserve it. But that doesn't seem to stop Him or Her. Why would anyone love me? Catherine does, Jo does, too. There's God for you (and they're both women, too...).

(How can anyone say that women can't be priests, and bishops, and ...?).

Labels: god