Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Getting hung up on religion
What would you do if you had a child who was clearly deeply in love with someone, and sleeping with them? A child who's easily old enough to know their own mind, and is an adult, certainly not a child? Would you try to stop him or her from going to see that partner, as a Christian parent? Would the fact that the child is also a Christian change your view?I don't have a child old enough to present these questions, but I've been asked about them. For me, I don't think that it's something that's a major issue, or likely to be - I've posted before about this in a more abstract way, but the question posed in this way makes you think it differently.
God knows true love, and I think that we mustn't get in the way of that. Should we hope that a particular relationship moves to marriage? Not if that's not what God wants. And we mustn't try to live other people's lives for them - though with even a 22 month old daughter, I realise what a ridiculous statement that is. Can we warn? Yes. Can we offer suggestions? Yes. But we cannot stop another person from sinning. Or know, maybe, whether they are sinning. It's easy to condemn, but sin is about putting something between ourselves and God. Sometimes it might be easier to say that someone is sinning, but which of the two great commandments would this child be breaking?
- Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and all thy soul, and all thy mind (Matthew 22:37b)
- Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself (Matthew 22:39b)
And that, I suspect, is one of the central dilemmas of being a parent.
Starting with parental responsibilities. I suppose I would attempt not to make a distinction between the physical, emotional and spiritual welfare of the child. When the child is young the parent takes full responsibility for all these - protecting, warning, setting rules and punishing transgressions to keep the child safe. As the child grows you have to gradually let go and allow the child to take risks - and sometimes get hurt. Only my doing this can they develop the skills they will need in adult life. You hope that you have equipped them to make good judgments about risks and to handle their mistakes appropriately.
My son is now 20, and I accept that he is old enough to take responsibility for his own soul as well as his own body. I might still advise, and expect him to respect our 'house rules' when he is with us, but no longer feel it appropriate to supervise his life. A few years ago, I hope I would have taken a different line, but am much relieved that such an issue never arose.
Now as you say they have responsibilty for their own souls.... and it can be hard to watch sometimes!
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