Mike's musings

God be thanked

During the afternoon, I read more of "Indecent Theology" by Marcella Althaus-Reid, and listened to some music. This was partly due to a discussion I had a with Helen last night about music. It started with a conversation about placements. I'm planning one in mental health - probably a mental health chaplaincy - and one in a more busy parish than I'm used to: Long Melford looks possible. We then moved onto other issues: the possibility of meeting Mother Joanna for a session to discuss Orthodox spirituality; how surprised she'd been that the Vaughan-Williams last night had not been a "performance", but a giving; "Indecent Theology" - would I consider reviewing Althaus-Reid's lastest book? (yes); and music. It's no secret that I don't always do very well in conversation in groups: I tend to talk over people, maybe be too quick to come up with my thoughts, rather than listening to others: things like that. Helen wondered whether thinking about music - and listening to more music - might help that.

So, moving back to what I was doing that afternoon. I sat down in the library and listened to some music from the album "Cloudburst and other choral works" by Stephen Layton. And read Indecent Theology. I'd just moved to "X grass" from the album "Bluegrass 2001", and was reading a section of the book about modelling Jesus' resurrection of Lazarus as the return of a gay lover after a break-up (really), when it all came together.

I was touched by God. The phrase "The Spirit of the Lord is upon me" was what it felt like. It felt like the time, a three Easters ago now, when I was in a service and the call to the priesthood came. I realised that it was all there, and that the spark is in all of us. The music was it - the different strands are us, and all we need to do is play it right: that's all that God needs, and all that we need. The phrase "the centre cannot hold" (where's this from?) kept running round my head with the phrase "the centre cannot but hold". And I realised that the Trinity is/are there, right in front of us, all the time - and all you need to do is reach out and touch it/her/them. And play the music right. Bernard of Clairvaux was right, and so was Julian of Norwich. God's just there. All the time.

I smiled like a mad thing through most of the rest of the afternoon. The session on leading public worship felt so obvious - and too simple - and our group's worship was also obvious. We were praying for a change to the unjust structures of society, and you wouldn't have thought I'd smile through it, but I just wanted to start shouting "the Kingdom of God's here - it's in each of us now, and all we need to do is play the music right".

I hope that I can feel this again, but I know it'll always be there. I just need to remember how obvious it is, and to listen to the music.

And that evening, after a few beers, I had one of the most difficult evenings I've ever had. God gave me the strength, and I wasn't expecting the pastoral side to fall to me, but it did. God help us all.

(just play the music right...)

# posted by MikeCamel @ 8:50 pm